and then there were three...

Exactly one month ago (well, within an hour of exactly a month), we welcomed a new life into the family. A year ago, I wouldn't have imagined this as a possibility or even something we wanted to pursue. We thought we were complete as a family, and in fact, my husband was in the process of taking measures to ensure this reality. However, fate or God or life itself can sometimes take us in directions we don't anticipate, and about nine months ago, I realized I had a new life inside of me.

Initially, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Sometimes, it's hard to wrap my mind around possibilities not of my design. I admit feeling some resentment, not to mention increasing the stretch I feel between being a pastor and being a mom. I was quick to think of all the things I wasn't looking forward to revisiting -- diapers, tender breasts from nursing, multiple interruptions during the night, absolute dependence on us for everything.... However, as time went on, the idea of another child grew on me, and in me (sorry -- couldn't help the pun). Our family of four was going to become a family of five, whether or not it was part of the plan.

When he was finally born, all those doubts and dreads melted with the awareness that I was once again part of the most amazing miracle of all, to share with God in the act of creation and bringing life into the world. As he looks at me with the perfectly innocent eyes that somehow contain the wisdom only babies and the aged seem to possess, I fell in love with him.

Yes, I am sleep-deprived, and my body doesn't really feel like it's my own, but I am content. My husband and I are now parents of three, and we are readjusting to a new reality. It somehow feels appropriate that this is happening in Lent, a time to remember what matters most and to get rid of false assumptions in order to make room for new life.